


Inbetween

by LadyVrunck



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-TFA, Smut, Teen Angst, Trans Male Character, Trans!Ben Solo, teenage, trans!kylo ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:44:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5868028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyVrunck/pseuds/LadyVrunck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>companion drabbles to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5687305"><strong>before & after</strong></a> each chapter dealing with an independent <em>“What if..?”</em> to make it slightly... smuttier</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What if the broom closet had been a little smaller?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Before & After](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687305) by [jojo_kenobi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojo_kenobi/pseuds/jojo_kenobi). 



> follows along the plotline of the original fic, so please go check his work out beforehand  
> 

**I.** _What if the broom closet had been a little smaller?_

 

They didn’t make it to the cafeteria to grab lunch. Instead, Ben got them in trouble. _Classic._

The footsteps of the teacher slowly got out of earshot as they ran through crowded halls.  Just when they thought it was safe to stop, they heard a familiar voice from the next corridor. Apparently Luke had chosen this day to show the younglings around.

Not wasting a second, Ben opened the next door and shoved Hux inside. When he closed the door behind himself, darkness surrounded them.

Trying to catch his breath, Hux attempted to figure out where they were. He could feel Ben's breathing on his neck. It had already slowed down to normal.

"It's a broom closet,” Ben stated expertly.                    ~~~~

"Yeah thanks, I figured it out myself," Hux sneered.

_Damn, we are close._

Directly behind him was some kind of shelf, so there was no way out. Not that he wanted to escape.

"Well, this will definitely fight down the rumours." _Did I really just say that? Why am I so stupid?_ His cheeks burned and he was glad Ben couldn't see him in the darkness. "Oh no, forget what I just said."

"I guess, we have got some alone time now,” Ben chuckled, taking a step towards him. Hux felt the soft fabric of his clothes brushing against his own.

"Are you okay?" It was merely a whisper.

"Yeah, you too?"

"I guess so..."

Silence fell over them again, but this time it was pleasant.

Even though Hux’ breathing had slowed down now, his heart was still racing as much as it had when they’d been running away together.

Trying to gain back some control over his body he concentrated on breathing deep and slow, noticing their scents had filled the closet and mixed.

_This is no good. If I'm not careful, I might do something I could regret..._ Hoping Ben wouldn't notice, a little smile climbed onto his lips. Hux had decided to enjoy this trouble as much as possible.

He could feel Ben's torso lean slightly against his, their heartbeats synchronizing. _Force, I want to be even closer to him._

After some time Hux’ eyes had adapted to the darkness, so he took the chance to admire his friend's soft features. His smile wavered as Ben looked back at him, cheeks red and pupils dilated.

"You should really keep that smile. It suits you."

He raised one hand to grab a strand of hair that fell into Ben's face. _Lord_ , _I want to know how it feels to ruffle through that_.

"Who are you to tell _me_ what to do?", Hux asked while twisting the hair around his index finger, pulling Ben's face closer to his own.

The way his friend bit his lip made his mind go blank immediately. He could just lean in a little closer and-

"And this is a broom closet, where you can get everythi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?"

_Oh, shit. Does Skywalker have nothing better to do than showing the younglings a store room?_

Taken by total surprise Ben and Hux tried to get as far away from each other as fast as possible, which resulted in both stumbling and crashing on the floor, limbs entangled.

"I… We... uhm?" Ben turned to his friend for help, who could only shrug his shoulders. Their faces were approximately the colour of Hux' hair.

Luke sighed. "As long as this doesn't happen again I'll let you go without detention once."

Ben let out a relieved sigh, but Hux got the feeling Master Skywalker was not only talking about the thing that had almost happened.   _Force, he really does have an intimidating stare._

"However, you will catch up on the classes you missed, are we clear?"

Both of them nodded, hoping they could leave now.

"Alright. Off you go." The Jedi Master sent them home without further ado.

 

**|~|**

 

They walked in silence, awkward all over again, both searching for a way to break it.

"Ben, I-"

"It's okay, Hux." Ben went red again. "Listen, I gotta hurry home. You know how Han can be. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, see you later." He bit back his apologies and turned towards his way home instead.

_Great, you nailed that one._


	2. What if Ben had to walk Hux home the night of the party?

**II.**   _What if Ben had to walk Hux home the night of the party?_

 

The moons shone bright this night: One was completely, the other only half visible. Ben hadn’t felt this giddy in a long time. Sitting next to Hux, watching the moons wander was making him feel that way. Maybe the alcohol he’d drunk already played a part as well, but that didn’t matter much, since everyone around them was wasted.

Suddenly he felt a tickling sensation on his neck.

“Hux, stop it!”

“What?”

Ben turned his head to give him a questioning look. Hux looked mildly bewildered. He had leant back, supporting his weight on his elbows.

The tickle didn’t stop. Immediately aware that it couldn’t be Hux, it felt more intense.

The redhead sat up. “What is it, Ben?”

“I think there is something on my neck… It’s –“ he shrugged to make it go away.

“Let me take a look.” One slender finger dabbed his neck for a second.

“Look, it’s just a ladybird.”

Ben backed away. His eyes widened and he shook his head slightly: “I really don’t have to take a look at this.”

Hux snorted, making the ladybeetle fly off his hand, vanishing into the darkness behind him.

“So you’re the strongest Padawan the galaxy has seen since Darth Vader, and you’re afraid of vermin?”

He shot Hux a grimace.

“They are disgusting. Crawling and flying around all the time. They also have way too many legs? Four are an acceptable maximum for animals!”

His friend’s grin widened.

“What? Hux? Whatever you’re thinking, stop.” Withdrawing even more from Hux.

But Hux was quicker, he scuttled towards his friend, grabbing hold of his ankles first. He hummed into his ear. One hand found his wrist to pin Ben down, the other replaced the bug on his neck.

He flinched when Hux’ cool fingers teased his neckline.

“Please, Hux. N-“

Ben was shut off with a pair of lips. He tried to concentrate on this rather pleasant experience, but Hux wouldn’t stop tickling his neck.

It was simply too much too bear. He needed to breathe, so he broke free of the kiss. Hux took it as a sign to move further downwards, now stimulating the front and the back of his neck

Breaking into a forced laugh, Ben gasped for air. It only ended in coughing and more laughing. Hux’ hot breath tickled even more than his fingers.

“Get yourselves a room, you lovebirds!” Poe Dameron, the guy who hosted the party jokingly suggested.

Hux looked up into Ben’s eyes. _Not even such a bad idea._ But they both knew that every accessible room in the giant mansion was already occupied by some other drunken teenagers, so they stayed by the fireside.

“Please, no more tickling.”

“But-“

Now it was Ben’s turn to shut Hux up. He pulled his face closer, cherishing every bit he could take in by sight, before closing his eyes and laying his lips softly on the freckly cheeks, the corners of his mouth, and finally his lips. They tasted slightly of the rum he he’d been drinking all night long. _Delicious._

Hux leant into the kiss and they both tumbled over.

 

**|~|**

 

“Are you sure, you’ll be alright?” Phasma saw them off. She made sure both were good to go, then she hugged them goodbye.

“You should come to parties more often. Tonight was fun.”

_Thanks to you, it definitely was._

“Come on, Hux, I’ll get you home. Bye, Phasma.” He threw one of Hux’s arms around his shoulders and grabbed his waist to stabilise him.

They managed to walk a few steps like that, Hux sliding slowly out of Ben’s grip.

“You gotta work with me, not against me!” he complained, earning nothing but a snicker back.

 _Well then…_ Without further ado Ben grabbed him by his waist and the hollows of his knees to carry him in his arms.

Hux even had the audacity to snuggle up against his chest. Once again this evening Ben was grateful he had put on the binder.

“Making yourself comfy there?”

He only got a low murmur as an answer, which he took as a yes.

As Ben made his way to his friend’s house, Hux fell asleep. He didn’t mind at all, but this was a whole new level of closeness, considering they’d been snogging the whole evening long. He could see his chest rise and drop, feeling Hux’ warm body against his own.

When they arrived, he tried to wake the redhead gently, but failed to even get a reaction. Despite the fact he believed Hux only pretended to be asleep safe and sound, Ben force-opened the door, bringing him into his room. He tucked his friend in, wavering a moment before placing a delicate kiss on his forehead. The little smile which scuttled onto Hux’ lips gave him away.

 _Dork._ Ben’s heartbeat tripped, a sudden realisation forming. _Maybe I  love him…_

“Goodnight”, he whispered as he left the room.

He would have to get a night’s rest and talk to Hux when they were both sober again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know... I promised smut. However the story does follow along the plotline of [**jonathan_kenobi's work**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5687305) and I can't change the major plotline.  
>  You'll have to be patient until next week, but youhave something to look forward to: I have prepared two independent "What ifs" ;) The second one will be uploaded half a week later.
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated.  
> If you have any constructive critism, questions or concerns, leave me a comment <3  
> Of course you also could invade [**my tumblr ask box**](http://drinkingteaatstarkillerbase.tumblr.com/ask) ;)


	3. What if Ben hadn’t heard Hux’ conversation with his dad?

**III. a)** _What if Ben hadn’t heard Hux’ conversation with his dad?_

Hux’ presence meant shelter to him. Whenever he had problems with his family, Ben knew he could seek him out.

It was the same this time. They hadn’t spoken much since he arrived, but that was okay. Hux was just there. He accepted him the way he was and Ben loved him for it. _Wait, what?_

They had fallen asleep snuggled up together. Hux held Ben as if to protect him from any harm that was upon them. _[AN: and there was much of it, just go read before and after and wreck yourselves_ ;) _]_

**|~|**

He heard Hux murmur something from far away, but couldn’t make out any words. Ben stirred the moment the door fell shut. His chest felt really tight and he needed a second to adjust to the situation. Tiny black dots danced before his eyes. Shaking his head, he tried to breathe steadily. _Don’t panic now. It will be fine._

“How late is it?”

“It’s a bit after ten, you can go back to sleep.”

Ben shook his head and got up. “I mustn’t. I have to go home.” _Although I don’t want to, I need to get out of the binder soon._

“You don’t have to do anything, Ben. They know where you are.”

_Force, he’s too cute when he’s worried._ He wavered as he looked into his friend’s pleading eyes, and gave in. He dropped back onto the pillow. “Maybe one night.” _I’ll just wait ‘til he’s asleep again._

Hux laid down next to him, taking hold of Ben’s face. “Whatever suits _you_ best.”

Silence fell upon them. Breathing. Gaping at each other. Racing hearts. An exchange of shy smiles. He could feel slender fingers playing with his hair. Hazy blue eyes searching for permission in dark brown ones.

A slight nod and Hux dipped his head to unite them. He pulled him closer by the back of his head, hungry for more. A small moan escaped Ben’s mouth and his counterpart used the opening to capture his tongue.

_He tastes so delicious._ Their breathing sped up.

All of a sudden Ben found himself mounted by Hux. He cherished his face, placing kisses on his temples and cheeks, slowly moving further downward. When Ben felt hands cautiously reaching underneath his shirt, he had to interrupt.  
As good as this felt and as much as he enjoyed Hux sitting shirtless on top of him, he couldn’t bear to reveal himself to his friend.

“Hux, no. I can’t do this. Not like that.” _My body is betraying me. You mustn’t know. Not yet._

He stopped immediately, smiling reassuringly at him.

“We don’t have to do anything until you feel ready for it.”

Ben hadn’t realized he had held his breath until he let out the small sigh of relief. “It’s not that I don’t want this, you know? It’s just… so sudden and… and overwhelming,” he tried to explain.

A slender thumb on his lips cut him off, as Hux gripped his chin.

“You really don’t have to explain yourself, Ben. It’s alright.”

He replaced his thumb with his lips. “You’ll just have to tell me what is fine with you, and what is not.”

“This right now is pretty nice.” With those words he sat up and pulled Hux closer to dive in for another snog. For a few moments there was nothing else than passionate kisses, occasionally one of them gasping for air, when Ben felt the bulge in Hux’ boxers grow.

Slowly he let his hands slide down the sides of the redhead’s exposed body. _Just because I’m not ready to unmask this secret, doesn’t mean I cannot make Hux feel great, does it?_ As he tugged at the piece of cloth which still covered Hux up, Ben nibbled at his ear.

“Can I try something?”

The slight movement of air against his ear mixed with Ben’s low purr let a moan escape Hux’ throat. He nodded.

When he felt Ben pulling at his boxers again, he opened his eyes.

“We need to get rid of those first,” Ben explained, a smirk lighting up his face.

Somewhat baffled Hux complied and got out of his underwear. His cheeks turned crimson as Ben absorbed the sight. _He’s so beautiful._

“Now lie down and relax.”

As soon as he did as he was told, Ben’s hands and lips caressed his body again. This time however he didn’t concentrate on Hux’ face. He only started there, kissing every freckle he could see through the pink flush. Working his way further downwards, he placed gentle nibs along the trail. It drove Hux crazy.

Ben took some time to take care of his rigid nipples. At first he sucked gently, but Hux’ suppressed moans encouraged him. So Ben sucked harder, flicking his tongue against one and squeezing the opposite nipple between two fingers.

“Oh force, Ben…” The redhead had to put a fist over his mouth to stifle his groan. Ben smiled against his chest and switched sides.

“Hmm, you like that?” Ben’s free hand slid towards his groin where Hux’ erection gave away his pleasure.

Slightly clumsy Ben dragged his hand up and down his cock. As a drip of pre-cum appeared on his glans, Ben dipped his thumb into it, smearing it over the sensitive tip.

“Are you… are you really okay with this? I don’t want you to do something you might regret later,” Hux huffed out between two moans.

It made Ben feel at ease to have Hux care for him so much. _I want this... I want you._ He was ready to watch Hux lose control for once and just let go. He interrupted his hand job to place a firm kiss on Hux’ forehead: “I am.”

A smile lit up Hux face, followed by a relieved sigh as Ben picked up where he had stopped. The black-haired boy could feel Hux’ fingernails dig into his scalp, as he quickened his strokes. He muffled his groans with kisses, even though it was turning Ben on ever so much. To find Hux at his mercy only added to that. 

He could feel the redhead’s orgasm building up by the way he clung onto him. Ben changed the rhythm again. To make up for the slow drags which he treated Hux now, he grasped his dick firmly.

“Fuck, Ben… please”

Who would not give in to such a gasped out plead? Nonetheless, before Ben would carry out the unspoken request, he decided Hux should be taught a little patience.

“Please what?” he whispered, nibbling gently at Hux ear while he continued the firm, slow strokes.

“You know exactly what, you git,” Hux blurted out, turning his head to glare at Ben who had the guts to laugh at him. A low chuckle, cunning glistening in his dark eyes.

“I’m afraid you’ll need to specify.”

He didn’t give Hux a chance to reply something witty; right as he wanted to object, Ben repeatedly massaged the tip of his cock and licked a long wet trail following his jaw line and down to his nipples again.

A cry of lust slipped out of Hux mouth. “Ben, just finish me off this instant!”

_With pleasure._

It didn’t take very long once Ben picked up speed. Hux came hard huffing out Ben’s name, and spouting cum all over his belly and Ben’s hand. He let his head drop into the pillow, cheeks flushed red, panting and smiling.

Right as Hux opened his eyes to look at him again, Ben put his hand to his mouth. Returning the glance, he took his time to lick each finger perfectly clean.  It was such an impudent gesture, that Hux couldn’t drop his gaze, even if he wanted.  Ben half smirked at the mess they had made.

“Do you, uhm... have a tissue or something?”

Hux followed his look down to his belly where a small puddle of semen had gathered. He chuckled.

“Actually, I think we should clean up properly.”

He reached for a handkerchief out of the box on nightstand and soaked up most of it before leading Ben into his bathroom. Hux took out a flannel, wetting it in the sink so he could freshen up and wash his stomach. His friend bathed his hands in the soapy water and ran through his sweaty hair with his damp fingers.

There wasn’t much talking required. The occasional glances towards each in the mirror or from the corner of an eye were enough to make the other one feel flustered. They got back into bed, snuggling up against each other beneath the covers, breathing slowly and enjoying the warmth surrounding them.

In contrast to Hux, Ben couldn’t find any rest. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew he would have to go soon.  He shifted trying to find a more comfortable position, but his back was aching and his chest felt sore.

Hux was on the verge of falling asleep when he murmured “Don’t leave me, okay?” while he hugged him tightly. Ben went still immediately as if his thoughts had been caught. _Guilty as charged. Sorry. Sorrysorrysorry. I cannot sleep here tonight. Not like this._ Dread began to rise in his chest, but he breathed deep and slow, hoping Hux wouldn’t notice his dilemma.

When Ben was entirely sure the redhead was asleep, he got out of the embrace carefully. He stroked Hux’ hair gently before leaving without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ 
> 
> Happy Valentine's day, everyone!


	4. What if Ben went after Hux?

**III. b)** _What if Ben went after Hux?_

At first Hux’ statement left Ben baffled. _He couldn’t be serious about that, right?_ It took him a second to realize Hux had already turned around to leave the cafeteria. _Leave him_.

“Don’t you dare to walk away just like that.” Words spat out through gritted teeth.

  
One, two, three big steps and Ben caught up, his hands curled up into shaking fists.

The redhead only let out an annoyed sigh. He didn’t want to talk to his friend about his feelings. Alternatively, Hux picked up speed to escape an interrogation.

  
He simply could not tell him that he wasn’t angry with Ben, but with himself. That he didn’t have any memories of the first kiss he had shared with Ben and how much he wanted to know what it felt like to taste his lips. _Force, I can’t even remember a damn thing of the night. It’s so confusing._

Not having any of it, Ben grabbed his forearm and opened the door to an empty class room. “Get in there!”

“Just leave me alone, Ben!”

“No. I know it’s rare that I am the one being reasonable and demand to talk, but it happens, you know?. I want to understand what’s going on, so can you please explain?”

_Why is he so good at puppy eyes?_ To bear up Hux pressed his lips together until only a thin line was visible anymore. His brows furrowed; anger and aversion written on his face. He hadn’t planned to give an explanation, so he decided not to say anything for the moment and let Ben do the work here.

When he got no answer, the dark haired boy talked again.

“We kissed. Alright, the Academy thinks we’re ‘officially’ a couple. But I don’t get why all of a sudden you care so much about what others think of us.  You didn’t really mind the rumours beforehand, so what is your freaking problem now?”

_~~I wish I could tell you.~~_   Hux darted a cold, scorning look on Ben. “You just wouldn’t understand, okay?” _I didn’t mean to feel so attracted to you; I didn’t expect it to be this good. You don’t know what it feels like being pressured by your own forsaken parents to turn your best friend to the dark side. And worst of all I cannot tell you anything about that matter, so_ “Could you just let me fucking through? I need to get to my class.”

He jostled his friend to get past him. Class was indeed starting in a few minutes and even if he didn’t like it much Hux rather would not want to be late for strategic plotting. Ben however wasn’t done talking. Quickly he took hold of Hux’ wrist, pinning him against the door.

“Listen here, you wanted the kiss as badly as I did. Don’t deny it. Sure, we were drunk as hell. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to go for it. And maybe it doesn’t mean that much to you, as it does to me. Okay. I can most likely live with that. But you will not simply walk away from this issue. I won’t lose my best and only friend over some stupid drunken kiss, are we clear? – Hux, are you blushing?”

“What? No, you idiot, I’m not” He flashed a malicious glare at Ben.

“There is no reason to get excited, you know…”

“I. Am. Not. Blushing. And now let go off me, I’m really going to be late for class. Unlike some other people, I actually care about my education.”

“Oh wow, someone’s striving to be on top of everything and anything. We are not done yet, Hux. I will talk to you later.”

_I’ll see what I can do to avoid that._ With that thought Hux pushed Ben away, maybe harder than necessary, but it made him feel better.

He left the room right as the bell rang. _Awesome._

**|~|**

He had hoped Ben would not spot him among all the other students streaming out of the Academy’s front door, but of course he did. He leant against a tree not far away and casually came over, right as he caught Hux’ attention. _Shit._  
Keeping his eyes locked on the ground, Hux passed his friend, who had no trouble catching up to him.

“Hey nerd, how was class?”

“Fuck off, Solo.”

Ben casually ignored the following insults Hux muttered under his breath when he picked up their conversation. “As I was saying earlier, you still have to explain some things to me. It’s okay if you take your time.”

_Then you will have to learn to be patient._

Hux anger was almost tangible, manifested in his strides as they walked in silence. Occasionally one of them would glance at the other, always lowering their gaze if they thought the other one looked. Ben’s hand brushed against his own.

The redhead pondered if he should pull away, but settled to ignore it.  His cheeks flushed red as Ben hooked their little fingers together, and this time it was not entirely of anger.

 Hux was so busy staring blatantly forward that he didn’t notice the root extending into his path, until he tripped over it. Trying to restore his balance again, he gripped the first and only subject that was there: Ben.  
However, the Padawan had not expected a sudden disturbance of his equilibrium either.

As they fell, Hux realized his mistake, regretting it immediately. Ben’s elbow bore into his side for a moment, causing the redhead to yelp.  
His friend sat up the split of a second later; shooting him a half worried, half bemused grin.

“You are sending pretty mixed signals her, you know?”

Hux returned the grin with a death glare, which would have been way more effective if his face wasn’t lit red. This way it only added to Ben’s amusement.

It wasn’t fair of him to be mad at his best friend for something that was his own fault. Alright, maybe a little part was Ben’s fault. If he wasn’t so reckless, so uncontrollable, so rebellious, so Ben… Maybe Hux wouldn’t have fallen for him. Force, Ben was right. He didn't want to lose him. He was his best friend after all.  
Hux gave in. He let a small smile lighten up the features of his face.

“Did you come back to your senses?”

“Shut up, Ben…” He let his head fall back in acted agony, breathing out a despaired huff. _If only there was a way to wash away that triumphant smirk out of his face._ For a few moments they gaped awkwardly at each other. The dark haired boy quirked an eyebrow when he analyzed their positions.  At the same time Hux had planned to push his friend off him, but the gesture changed his mind: He grabbed Ben by his collar, pulling him close to whisper in his ear: “I can’t really explain, sorry. But…”

“But what?”

He didn’t give an answer, or at least not an audible one. Instead Hux crashed his lips onto Ben’s.

They didn’t care that it was broad daylight and they were basically making out on the walkway. They were too distracted by one another to concern themselves with their surroundings.  
They needed this. It was as though all the stuffed up feelings had collided and powered this kiss. Anger. Exasperation. Worry. But excitement, joy, and passion also blended in.

 Ben ran his fingers through the smooth red hair of his friend, drawing him even closer and turning his head slightly to give them more space at the same time. Neither of them was going slow. Eventually Ben would try to break free, gasping for air, but Hux used the opportunity to completely conquer his mouth and capture his tongue. There was only a weak resistance.  
The next couple of minutes were spent with tasting and breathing each other in finally slowing down a bit to cherish the experience.

Suddenly something hustled past them and brought the couple back to their senses. Abruptly aware of their whereabouts again, Ben jolted back; partly on his own behalf and partially being pushed away by Hux. The embarrassment was clearly written on both their faces.

 A melodic chirp made them realize that they hadn’t been spotted by a teacher or some other student. It was a Fynock sitting in a tree not too far away, tilting its head as if it wanted to watch them. Bothered by the two staring intensely at it, the bird whipped its snake tail and flew away.

Hux had a hard time ignoring the smirk on Ben’s face when they both got to their feet again, brushing the dirt off their clothes. “So, you and me..?” anticipation resonated in the hinted question.

“Not a chance, Solo. I thought I was quite clear on that matter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The teasing is strong with this one... :D
> 
> I wanted to upload yesterday evening, but forgot because I went to see Deadpool... (๑´•д • `๑) Totally worth it :P
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated <3  
> Got any questions or remarks? leave me a comment or [**send me an ask in tumblr**](http://drinkingteaatstarkillerbase.tumblr.com/ask) :)


	5. What if Hux had come over to apologise?

**IV.** _What if Hux had come over to apologise?_

  
At first Ben had tried to distract himself from their ‘ _breakup_ ’ by training more until his entire body ached. However, Luke had soon taken action. When Ben couldn’t follow his order to concentrate rather on quality than quantity, his Master had excluded him from any physical training. The only thing he was allowed to do for now was meditating. As if that would solve anything. 

He was restless. Soon Ben’s nightmares came back. It was as though Hux had taken everything from him when he left. Ben couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t allowed to train. He didn’t even want to touch his food anymore, it tasted stale and boring. Everything was fade and grey without him.  
_What’s the purpose of colour if there is no light to touch them?_

Right now, his mother was standing in the doorway of his room. It was his first day at home and Ben was already annoyed by her sympathetic glances. Of course she wanted to know what was going on, while making sure he was alright, and it was sweet. But still, he didn’t want to talk about it. She wouldn’t understand it anyways. 

 “Fine, but please know that, if you want to talk about it, I am here for you, Ben."

Leia looked helpless. She knew her son’s moods, but this time it was different. Heavier. The General sighed as she turned around to leave the room, when a whispered “Thanks mum,” brought a smile back to her lips. At least he kept his honesty.

  
**|~|**

Hux took a deep breath, before raising a hand to knock on the front door. He had gone through a number of possible apologies – muttering to himself: “Look Ben, I didn’t mean to... No... that’s not like it... Listen Ben, I’m sorry”, pacing up and down his room just minutes before, but none of them seemed to fit. He decided to just go for it, letting his charisma do some work and hoping it would sort out fine. He shouldn't have gotten himself in this mess in the first place.  
He could hear steps from inside and General Leia’s voice coming closer to the door, and lowered his hand again.

“I’m going to the headquarters, do you need anything when I come back, Ben?”

Ben’s answer was only a distant, incomprehensible mumbling, to which his mother replied: “Alright!”

She opened the door and almost ran into him. Hux took a step back and straightened up. Eyebrows raised, she regarded him with a calculating look.

“Hux. Coming to apologize?"

“Good afternoon, General Leia. Well, yes. I need to talk to him.”

“He's up in his room. Play nice."

“I'll do my best. It's just that-"

She cut him off by leaving the house and passing him.

“You don’t have to explain to me. Please just try not to make it worse, alright?"

Hux nodded to reassure her this wasn’t his intention at all and she dismissed him. Then he got inside.  
Within a few seconds he reached Ben’s room and knocked carefully against his door.

“I already told you, mum, I don’t need anything.”

“I guess it’s safe to say that I am not your mum. Can I come in anyways?” He did so without waiting for his answer.

“Hux!” Ben turned around in his chair. His expression changed from surprised to see Hux to bothered very quickly. “What the hell are you doing here? Go away.”  
_Fuck. Did you have to choose the one day I didn’t put on a binder?_ He crossed his arms in front of his chest to cover himself.

“How are you? You weren’t in school today.” The redhead sounded honestly concerned.

“Well how do you suppose I am, Hux? You gave me a lot to think about. And all of a sudden you bastard believe you can just come in here and pretend everything’s fine? Like nothing happened? Seriously?”

Ben wasn’t in the mood to make up just now. He wanted to hurt Hux for what he had done to him. The Padawan forced a cold laugh to ridicule Hux some more. He hated himself for it, especially because it felt good in some way.

“Well initially I came here to apologise, but if you don’t want me to, I might as well just leave again.”

Now that both of them were angry, they tried to stare each other down: Hux indifferent, Ben provocative.

“Go on then. Piss off."

He hinted at the door, even though he hoped Hux would stay to talk and sort things out. But he didn’t. He turned to leave. _As expected._

“You’re impossible to work with, you know that, Solo? I was going to tell you how sorry I am to have hurt you. That I realised staying apart from you didn’t do any good to me either, but apparently I was wrong. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place.”

“Yeah, leave me again. In the end you are just like everyone else.”

_Oh force, did I just say that out loud?_

“Did you say something, Ben?”

Hux eyed him down, irritated and intrigued. Trying to read him like a book.

“Nothing.” _Don’t look at me like that._ Ben shifted uncomfortably under the cold stare as it turned into a bewildered expression.

“Wait a moment, Ben. Is that one of my shirts? And what in the name of the stars is up with your chest?”

At this moment his mind went blank except for repetitive single word messages, which were probably visible on his forehead:  _Fuck, no. Force. Fuckfuckfuck. NO._

“Just go already. That’s what you wanted to do anyways, didn’t you?” Ben’s voice broke and he could feel his eyes fill up with tears. _For force’s sake. Not now._ Trying to hold the tears back, but failing earned Ben a look of reproach from Hux.

“You could have told me, Ben. And don’t hold against me that I didn’t ask, I couldn't have guessed. You lied to me.” Cold and controlled. The redhead distanced himself from his friend, who shook his head in denial.

“No Hux, I would never do that. I didn’t. Hux, please don’t leave me because of that.”

With his hand on the door handle, Hux shot him a last disappointed glance.

“You’re the pathetic one here. Look at you. You depend so much on me. And yet you fail to tell me such an important thing.”

“No. Please. I was gonna tell you when I was ready. I can’t lose you again, Hux. Please-“

“I’ll need to think about this. Good bye, Ben.”

He wanted to reach for him, prevent Hux from going, but it was too late. He had already left. Ben could hear the front door snap shut. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he sat alone. Again. _That stupid bastard. I should've known better. Why did he even come here at all?_  
Before he threw himself into bed, Ben kicked his door with all his strength to make it fall shut. His parent’s would have to live with some more cracks in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have thought this would be fluffy yet again. I planned to do so, but too much happiness wouldn't work out in this ship, don't you think so too? 
> 
> I don't think I'll get much done in the next 4 weeks as I'm going to work once again, but I'll see what I can do.
> 
> As always Kudos, comments would be appreciated <3  
> Also please check out [**my tumblr**](http://drinkingteaatstarkillerbase.tumblr.com) ?


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